50 Days of Hope : Restoration – day 14

Do you want to get well ?

You’ve been sick for a long time.

 Of course I want to get well.

Do you really? Are you really ready to leave behind everything that has been in your life because of the sickness ?

“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” John 5 v.6

Yesterday I didn’t post, because I was travelling a long way and didn’t have the capacity either technologically or brain space wise to write anything.

Today I’ve returned home, and everything looks different.

Today I signed my husband and myself up to help at a school event TOGETHER. We will do the same thing at the same time and our names are written on a board as a couple.

That for me is huge. I haven’t wanted to identify as part of that couple for a long time. And today it made me happy to write our names beside each other with a shared surname. It made me smile when other parents responded by saying how much they’d appreciated my husband’s help last year and how great he is in those kind of jobs.

What has changed?

I think I really want to get well now. I’ve been sick for a long time. Maybe there were parts of that that I couldn’t quite let go of. I’m not sure that I’m clear enough in my head yet what those were, nor do I really want to share them here, but I know at a deep, gut level that it’s true.

I’m also not sure that I knew what ‘well’ looked like until this week. If I can draw an analogy with physical health– I know what a well person looks like – someone without any impairment and a fully functioning body. But having watched family members live with chronic illness, I’m not really able to believe that they can be ‘well’ until I see someone who has had the same chronic illness, manifested in the same way, getting better.

This week I was in a room with a couple who are living post-affair, healed, restored, honest, truthful, redeemed married life. that. It was beautiful. It was real.

I wanted what they have. I could see what ‘well’ looked like.  I want that relational health again. I want to make real the redemption that has taken place. I want to set down the labels that I have allowed to define me over these past months – unfaithful, unhappy, miserably married, depressed.

Is it really that easy?

I think that with God it just might be.

So yes, Jesus. I’ve been sick for a long time. And now I want to be well.

And I think you may have already performed that particular miracle. It certainly feels like it today.

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