It’s been almost 2 days since I last posted. I held back yesterday, because I’m not sure yet that I’m going to become a daily blogger – that seems a little presumptuous of the interest of my readers – but I wanted to write today.
I wanted to write about the impact that writing those 31 days had on me, because the consequence was not what I was expecting.
The writing has enabled me to let go of some things. To write of events as past events, and not my present, showed me clearly that that is indeed what they are. My relationship with the other is not continuing. The agony of not knowing whether to stay in my marriage or end it, that too is in the past. My marriage is my present.
God’s faithfulness; that is both past and present.
The completion of the series also birthed some other words which I needed to write. The post I wrote on Day 31 reminded me that I have come a long with God’s help. Your encouragement to me this month has helped to remove the final coverings of shame which still tried to keep me in the shadows.
On Friday I wrote words which needed to be written to someone. Words which allowed me to not hide away as I had been doing, but instead to stand up straight, look them in the eye and claim my identity as a child of God.
Today I went to church. Those of you who are familiar with this blog will know that due to my circumstances I haven’t felt able to go to church for a long time. I’ve tried a few times and every time has been emotionally exhausting and too difficult to sustain. Today I worshipped and just loved being there.
So thank you for helping me to write the series. Your daily encouragements to me, both through comments here on the blog, and on the Facebook page, have held me to my aim of being honest about my journey and recognising God’s working in this situation.
This morning I was struck by a line of a song,
‘You are ever interceding
As the lost become the found’
( The Victor’s Crown)
A year ago I was the lost. I think even as christian believers of many years or decades we can still be lost. And now, due to the interceding of both Jesus, who sits at the right hand of the Father, and the interceding of so many of you, my friends and readers, and my own relentless pursuit of God in the darkness, I am found. And it is wonderful!
We sang this song too today, and I’m thinking my next series may be ‘10,000 reasons’ . What do you think ? 🙂