You took from me my trust.
You took it, and then you broke it, battered it, ripped it up, tossed it aside
I told you the deepest secrets of my heart.
I told you my thoughts and my feelings
We were emotionally naked together.
Nothing was hidden.
There was no pretence.
Why would there be? We were known to each other from the outset
Few words were needed.
A raised eyebrow
The hint of a smile
A fleeting facial expression conveys so much
When you are already understood
Feelings buried deep were allowed to surface
Joy in words, sounds, sights awakened
Smells described and tested
You couldn’t get enough of me
You tried to breathe me in
And I let you.
I let you into my soul, that deepest place where few have been
I let you see the complexity of my internal world laid bare.
I thought you would cherish it
I thought you understood the fragility of her – of my soul…..
you told me you loved me.
You told me that you wanted to take care of me.
You told me that you wanted to be married to me.
You told me that everything in you wanted to be with me.
You told me that without me you would go into a deep darkness.
You left me. With tears and kisses.
We chose others over each other.
We chose covenants above being understood.
We chose children before ourselves.
I was broken. But I had been loved.
I thought you were gently exhaling me and I you
You spat me out
You took away my truth
You changed yours
You left me confused
Was it the truth that you stood by nothing you had said to me?
Or was that the lie?
Why should I believe that the last thing you say is the truest?
And now I find myself accused of things I did not do
You have changed the truth to others
You have covered yourself in a selfish garment of protection
Like the woman caught in the act of adultery you’ve left me to be dragged out by others for condemnation.
Whilst you walk away quietly from the scene, shaking your head in quiet disappointment at the acts of a woman.
How could she?
How could she take advantage of you like that?
Wasn’t it clear as you took her hand and told her she was beautiful that you only wanted a platonic friendship?
Wasn’t it clear as you picked her up in your arms and spun her round that she meant nothing to you?
Wasn’t it clear as you stared at her so intensely that she asked you to look elsewhere, that you thought of her as nothing more than a sister in Christ?
And when you told her that you loved her, and kissed her as your body shook,
And smiled at her with your eyes
And traced every part of her face with your fingers,
How could she not realize that it was all in her mind – a fantasy and that you were vulnerable and she was taking advantage of you?
Was it really all my doing? You know the answer.
You took my trust.
You broke it.
You didn’t deserve it. And I have taken it from you.
I have placed it in another who loves me.
Who does not condemn me
But who has asked me to face the truth.
And He has placed me in the arms of one
who loves me.
Who when I lay heartbroken and ashamed came to my side and said –
this woman is my wife, and I love her and I will protect her.
I will care for her.
I married her.
I would go into deep darkness without her.
And while she is in deep darkness I will stand guard over her
I will love her until she loves me.
I will love her always.
My trust is being restored.
But not in you.