I shouldn’t have
Why is that so easy to know after the event?
Why can’t I use hindsight as foresight?
Pre justification, rationalization.
Post realization, sinking feeling.
Confessions of idiocy
Is this all part of it?
The human part?
The need to learn through making the mistakes ?
The developing character through experiencing the hard times.
Can I skip this part please?
Can I move through ‘the marriage went through a rocky patch’ scenes a bit faster?
Can’t I reach the ‘happy renewal of wedding vows, we are so much better now’ finale?
Or must I sieve through the dirt like a discoverer of artefacts,
looking for the tiny treasure in the midst of the muck ?
Painstakingly measure off the ground and back breakingly spend days,
weeks, months years
working through the layers of dirt that have built up over time
covering the beauty that lies underneath.
Weeks, months, years
of dedicated, dirty, tiring, disheartening work,
I will find in my hand some colour
A fragment of the tiles that lie beneath.
How will I feel on that day?
Elated, bound in the moment of discovery,
committed to digging with renewed vision.
Until piece by piece we will uncover the tiles.
Twenty years of fragments
a beautiful and complicated pattern
of shared dreams and adventures,
births and deaths
house moves and uprooting.
communities that loved us.
uncertainty and illness
laughter and joy
Thick, swirling grace.
Enclosing the tiles, bordering their edges,
Linking them together, filling the gaps,
covering the broken.