A week ago I read these verses in Isaiah 58
“The Lord will guide you always;
He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land”.
These verses have returned to me on a few occasions over the past four months. They seem to matter. They seem to be a particular promise that I am being given. Until last week I’d focused on the second part – the God satisfying my needs bit. That’s what I want. I feel so in need, and I want to be satisfied.
But last week it was the first part of the verse that I noticed. ‘The Lord will guide you always’. Will he ? How?
For me guidance tends to be a growing sense within my being of something I should or shouldn’t do. An uneasiness with the status quo. An irritating discomfort that won’t leave.
I realised that God will guide me but it doesn’t say he will push me or drag me or force me to go in a direction I don’t want to go. I have to respond to the guidance if I want to be in the right place. Yes I realise this is like biblical truth for dummies, but that’s where I am. I can ask all I like for God to satisfy my needs but if I don’t respond to his guidance it’s not going to happen. Why would it? By choosing not to be guided, I’m taking myself to somewhere else looking for needs to be met by other things.
Last week I knew there was something I should do. I did it. I felt better. Then I was hit by all kinds of things which threw me off balance for days ( looking back – perhaps no coincidence?). I undid my right action. I had a week of sleepless nights, inability to eat properly and distraction. I wasn’t doing the right thing. I wasn’t where I should have been. So yesterday, I looked for the guidance again. This morning I asked for more. I knew how to resolve the conflicts in my head and heart. I was choosing not to.
This morning in lieu of church ( a place I can no longer go to – waiting for the guidance on that too) I have tried to listen and to look. I’ve taken some steps and already I’m being strengthened and my anxiety is being replaced by peace. I never understand how this happens. Maybe if you have no faith you’d simply say it’s my conscience alerting me to things which stop me from being who I want to be. Perhaps. I believe it’s the Holy Spirit. I believe it’s the God who will satisfy my needs.
I am writing this post as a marker. For myself. I choose to respond to his guiding. I choose to get on my feet and walk. I choose to take the steps knowing that he will walk beside me. Today.