Nothing

Nothing. I felt nothing. What a relief. After weeks, months of feeling everything it was so good to be an emotional void. You could tell me a funny story or a really sad anecdote and I would look at you with a curious but relatively blank expression. I didn’t know whether you had told me something I should smile about or cry. I was amazed and puzzled that people could hear something and care enough to have feelings about it. It was wonderful. I felt as empathetic as a block of cheese and that was good.

Maybe it was the effect of the tablets. Maybe I just couldn’t keep going as I was. For some time I’d been absorbing and thinking about several other people’s emotions as well as my own and the pain, the confusion was too much. I don’t know why it came, but I embraced the Nothing. I could sleep and wake and eat and work without feeling weighed down by emotion all the time. I stopped bursting into tears several times a day. I had to remind myself to smile at my children but other than that it was very straightforward.

It didn’t last for long. The Nothing left and the something filled its place. There are days when I would welcome the Nothing again. Today probably is one of those days, but then I would miss the good things too. and I don’t think that I want that anymore.

 

This is part of Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday series. Take her prompt and write for five minutes, no editing, post and then link up. 

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