Why do I write this blog?
It’s because on days like today, I need to write to rally myself. To remind myself that I can do this.
I can stand my ground.
I can choose myself.
I can be brave.
I can resist.
It’s because on days like today every song played on the radio causes me to well up, and before I know it I’m trying to drive and sing along, without three children noticing the tears sliding down my cheeks.
It’s because on days like today I remember far too much.
Have you watched ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’? Two people meet, fall in love, have an intense relationship, break up and then have their memories wiped so that they don’t remember anything of each other, because the pain of memory is too great. Yes, all good. I’d have that done. In a blink. Today.
Of course there is a catch. They meet again, no memory of each other, and they are right back where they started. Sparking off one another, holding eye contact, smiling way too much, finding a million things in common, and feeling that soul shift when you meet one you connect with.
So memory wiping would be a huge waste of money potentially. What does that leave me with?
It leaves me needing to remind myself of why I choose what I choose.
There are so many good reasons, and worthy reasons, and laudable reasons, but the bottom line is, that I choose me.
So because I choose me, I choose not to be lied to.
I choose not to be discarded like a piece of rubbish.
I choose not to be lied about.
I choose not to be used by another.
I choose to hold my head high.
I choose to live truthfully.
I choose to not be complicit in another’s deceit.
I choose to believe that God is, and has been, and will be enough.
I choose Hope.
(with a little help from Demi Lovato …….)
“Even if the stars and moon collide,
I never want you back into my life.
You can take your words and all your lies.
Oh, Oh, Oh – I really don’t care
Oh, Oh Oh, – I really don’t care. “