It’s been a very bumpy week. It shouldn’t surprise me that when I choose, consciously, deliberately and painfully to honour God, attack follows close behind.
I began the week conscious that I should share with people both in my real live friendship community and my virtual community that I had made a decision of significance. I know myself, and I know that “Perpetual change is here to stay” , and so it is important for me to record my journey and put down the markers as I travel.
I will write more here some day, but those I told were amazed by God’s voice coming to me through so many different things. Everywhere I turned – he was there. Speaking. The same message. I know that my story of brokeness and pain as God’s child is building others up. At this point in the story I am beginning to pick up my Kingdom work again, and I am re-claiming my rightful place as a co-heir with Jesus. and so….
I was overcome with a desire to hide away. The pain became so great again. I have a certainty about the way I will walk but it’s a tough path. It would be so easy to turn back. So what is holding me ? Who is holding me? The words of my pantoum keep echoing in my head.
This morning – I needed to write before I read my bible, but at the top of the page as I opened my notebook this verse was printed: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” Hebrews 13:5. On the next page ” I will not forget you. I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:15,16. And when I got to my readings : “He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber” Psalm 121 v 3. And then the meditation for the day as i recorded my pain, and my ‘what if’ questions, and my despair ;
“As the rain hides the stars,
as the autumn mist hides the hills,
happenings of my lot hide the shining of thy face from me.
Yet, if I may hold thy hand in the darkness,
it is enough;
since I know that ,
though I may stumble in my going,
Thou dost not fall.” Alistair McClean
I wrote this into my journal and then glanced to the printed verse at the bottom of that page : ” You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble” Psalm 32. v 7
So this morning I am telling you, and reminding myself in this diary of hope:
If we keep waiting and leaning in, our heavenly Father will keep talking to us.
God knows us, loves us, and hiding is just fine, so long as we hide in him.
We need a hand to hold, and the hand we are offered will not be withdrawn, will not pull us over, but will keep us safe in the darkness.