Today I’m linking up with The Messy Middle and Trusting Tuesdays. It’s a oneword365.com linkup – a check in each month. It began with the Trust people but it’s been broadened out and as part of my reason for blogging is to join communities here I am!
It’s just over a month since I claimed Hope as my word for the year. Little did I know how quickly that word would be an integral and fundamental part of my living and breathing each day. I metaphorically cling to it, and ever since another oneworder sent me a necklace with my word, I put it on each day.
I began the year with very little hope for the future, for myself, my situation. I’m not sure that I thought that there even could be hope. Friends talked to me of giving things time, and being patient, but all I could see was a long dark road ahead.
But what I did know, as I chose my word, was that God was there. Is there. Is here. And what I grabbed hold of, was the hope that I have which is certain and sure and eternal and is Jesus. I love Jesus. I love his radical life, his passion, his gentleness, his understanding, his way of just getting on with things and not doing what was expected of him. He was also uncompromising in what he asked of those who followed him. Give up everything. Stop sinning. Don’t worry. Forgive and forgive and forgive. Live generously. Trust God.
And when I fix my eyes on him – it’s ok. I can breathe. I can keep going. This little book and the daily practise of morning prayer brings me back to the breathing in and the breathing out again, and the knowledge that I can trust God. A God who is so far beyond my understanding that he can understand all that I can’t. The days when I miss my morning prayer I feel it later in the day. I realise that I’m trying to do things myself – I’m trying to hold it together, be positive, push down the difficult emotions. It’s when I acknowledge my weakness that counter-intutively, things are ok. I can’t have hope in myself, or my ability to navigate the unknowable path ahead, but once I hope in God it’s not a problem if the emotions surface. So long as I keep that fixed gaze.
Of course I don’t all the time. But the intentionality of my word is guiding the path that I take.I don’t feel that my word means that I need to keep a smile on my face and ‘be positive’. Instead it is allowing me to feel and to think and to cry and to rage alongside laughing and loving and living. Within the safety of the everlasting arms.
I have no idea where this journey will take me but if I can walk in the dust of the Rabbi Jesus it’s going to be the best path there is.