In a post last week I wrote about how my head is always filled with words. That’s true. Except when it’s pictures that seem to be there instead.
I’ve had a rough few days. I am so glad that God has put friends around me – both near and far away, who hold and help me, and it is from one of them that this first picture came.
My friend told me that God was watching me take stumbling steps by myself and was there to catch me. I immediately imagined the look on the face of every person who has ever encouraged a baby to take its first steps alone. You know the look I mean, don’t you? That look of excitement, encouragement and belief and the way that their eyes remain fixed on the child almost without blinking. I suddenly realised that as I take my stumbling steps towards Hope that my Father is standing with that look on his face and his eyes fixed on me. He believes in me. He believes in my capacity to take the steps. He is encouraging of me to try. He knows that I will fall, but that won’t change the look on his face the next time.
The second picture came to me this morning as I was thinking about my desire to really, really trust God to be my everything. I want God to heal some pretty big hurts and pain. I am asking him to do that, and yet at the same time I behave as someone who has injuries which could heal, but I keep self harming and increasing the pain. I realised that I am causing myself emotional self harm. That picture brought me up short, as I know that that is not the place where my loving Father wants me to stay.
I don’t imagine that I am the only one who does this emotional self harm ? Whether it’s by not eating, or not exercising, or constantly replaying memories, or having contact with places or people who ultimately cause hurt, it is not good. Your self harming may look different to mine. I know that God can heal. The letter I was sent anonymously 2 days ago said that . I’m posting it again as a reminder.
You and I are known as we are, we are loved, and we can take those baby steps.