Sometimes a linear approach to life feels incomplete and just missing the mark. Douglas Coupland understands this in his writings. It’s one of the things that drew me to his books. I believe in the eternal, and the idea that we are simply in the ‘shadowlands’ right now. I’ve C.S. Lewis to credit for that analogy – ‘The Last Battle’ explains it beautifully. I know that it is January, but the sense of new beginnings and fresh starts has eluded me. Instead I feel that I am in a process, which is almost outside of time. I am trying to restore relationship. It is not linear. I cannot work through steps 1 – 20 and know that it will be completed and all will be well. Instead it is a constant re-visiting and exploring of thoughts, feelings and actions, both past, present and future. And somehow that process has to be fitted in to a life which continues in 24 hour blocks with work and school and children and friends and leaking rooves and broken washing machines. This is hard. I don’t know whether I am beginning a new thing, or ending something or if I just need to keep going.
I can’t name this process. It is painful, exhausting and sad, and yet I have a glimmer of hope. On the 1st Sunday of Advent a friend sent me a text to tell me that it was the Sunday of hope. I was given a Christmas decoration with the word hope on it. I think it may be my word for the year. ( If you haven’t seen this already go to oneword365.com ). I have hope because of a God who loves me. I have hope because in Jesus he understands pain, and sadness, and loneliness and heartbreak. I have hope because he makes beautiful things from dust. I have hope because already he is bringing change that I could not have foreseen and I have hope because no matter what the outcome is he will never stop loving me. I love that God is not limited by our linear time or thinking. I need a big God. I need an incomprehensible God.