Today I jump out of the narrative account of the past, and give you a little glimpse of my right now. This 23rd day of October.
I’m tired. I’ve had a 12 hour work day. One of my kids isn’t doing so well. My husband and I have not shared an evening at home this week until tonight. Consequences arising from the relationship with the other are playing out, and at times it doesn’t feel like there is much justice in the world.
Yesterday I was really struggling with not falling face down in a pit of despair. I’ve mentioned previously on this blog that music has the power to affect me very deeply, and because it was something I shared with the other, I have been avoiding it. Yesterday I needed music. I put on my headphones and randomly looked through the spotify lists of my friends. I came across one entitled ‘Sunday Morning’ and thought I’d give it a try. The music was good. I was working and it provided good background and then a song started to play that made me stop and listen. It had my word. Hope.
I bought the song and downloaded it on to my phone. I listened to it on repeat for the entire ninety minute journey home. I claimed the words and the sentiments every time they were sung. I gained strength as I travelled.
I’m sharing this because God hasn’t stopped talking to me. Showing up. Communicating with me in ways I can hear and understand. Through music I randomly find on a spotify play list.
I am not a believer in the separation of the secular and the sacred. So I know that God is in all of life and uses all of it to change my heart and soothe my soul.
‘I will hold on hope.’
Mumford and Sons. The Cave.
‘So make your siren’s call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
‘Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it’s meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won’t let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I’ll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways’
Lights in the Darkness
( If this is the first time you’ve come to my blog, welcome! I am 24 days into a 31 day series for October. It’s about my search for hope and renewal as my marriage seemingly fell apart at the end of last year. If you want to catch up on the whole story then here is the link to the first post in the series, and here is the link to the series page.)